With birth rates across developed nations in decline, motherhood is increasingly being perceived as ‘opt in’, rather than ‘opt out’. But what happens on the other side of that decision? WH reports
‘I feel I have to explain my decision and clarify that I’m not a monster.’ These words belong to Devin Propeck-Silva. And the 38-year-old business owner is any thing but monstrous. She’s telling WH what happens when she meets someone new; the introductions, she explains, follow the same script. ‘After they find out that I’m married, they ask how many kids I have.’ (None.) ‘Then, they ask when I’m planning to have kids.’ (She isn’t.) That’s usually when the vibe shifts. Without meaning to, Devin finds herself mounting her defence; she and her husband Matt love kids; they ’re proud to be an aunt and uncle; they just… don’t want their own.
For the child-free by choice, confused and critical responses to their decision-making are nothing new. In 1974, Marcia Drut-Davis was a 34-year-old substitute teacher when she agreed to appear on aTV show in which producers followed her and her then-husband as they broke the news to his parents that they didn’t intend to have children (a wild broadcasting premise for any era). Within a day of the episode airing, Marcia was blacklisted by her local school administration.
Then the death threats started. ‘I was terrified,’ the now 84-year-old says of the response – one that seemed markedly different to the one her husband received. ‘His job wasn’t affected; his friendships weren’t affected. But I was less than a snail at the bottom of the ocean. I shut up about it for many years and didn’t say a word.’
Freed from desire
Some 50 years on, the world has changed; we’ve witnessed fourthwave feminism and the rise of the #MeToo movement. But as stories such as Devin’s demonstrate, that stigma persists. ‘It persists because
[having children] is so deeply embedded in many of our social institutions,’ says Amy Blackstone, a sociology professor at the University of Maine and author of Childfree By Choice: The Movement Redefining Family &Creating ANew Age Of Independence. ‘We tend to think of motherhood as a natural connection to being a woman. Religion depends on it; our economy depends on it.’
So when awoman decides to break this connection, people tend to have thoughts; accusations of selfishness are common, notes Professor Blackstone – even today. ‘We still hear occasionally that you’re “less of a woman” or you’re “not a real woman” unless – or until – you’ve had children.’ This, at a time when a woman’s right to choose is still up for political and ideological debate (see: the overturning of Roe v Wade in the US and the recent acceleration of prose
