Louise Thompson, now 34, found fame as a reality TV regulär before falling in love with fitness, along with her PT partner -even fronting two issues of Women's Health. But following a traumatic birth in 2021, her life changed irrevocably. As she reopens her wounds in her new book, Lucky, she shares how she’s healing - and why her mother-child love story, though far from the idealised norm, is one worth celebrating...
It’s impossible to think of my life as anything other than split down the middle. There is the life I had before my son, Leo, and the one I’m living now. I feel like a completely different person in a different body, with a different brain. It’s not like I didn’t struggle, mentally, in my child-free days; I’ve always been someone with a lot of anxious energy, for whom working in TV didn’t come naturally. But none of the anxiety I experienced earlier in my career could have prepared me for what I’ve dealt with, in this version of my life -since I became a mum.
My anxiety ratcheted up in the months leading up to the birth – exacerbated by the fact I’d miscarried earlier that year. I paid for a lot of private scans and rested as much as possible, never forgetting how privileged I was – as a self-employed person – to be able to do so. Then, a month before I gave birth in November 2021, I was involved in a fire at my mother’s house, where my partner, Ryan, and I were living while our home was being renovated. It was unlike anything I’d ever witnessed before: smoke so thick you can’t breathe or see. Astench of pure chemical poison. An ambulance came and took us to the hospital to check for carbon monoxide poisoning. I recall the monitors on my bump.
That was my first real experience of being in a hospital. In the years since – while I’ve managed a cocktail of generalised anxiety disorder, PTSD, postnatal depression and dissociation, along with a slew of physical health issues – it’s almost become a second home. It’s still really tough to talk about the trauma – and I don’t want to scare people. But I want to be honest about my story so others know they’re not alone. So, deep breath, here goes…
A mother’s love
Looking back, the problems started when – despite really wanting to have an elective C-section – I was denied one. In the end, I needed an emergency C-section where I lost an immense amount of blood. Further complications meant I lost even more later on at home. My anxiety and intrusive thoughts spiralled until it felt like torture being in my mind. I genuinely believed that I was going to die – a belief I fear I will never unlearn.
The first time I saw Leo, there was this deep feeling of recognition – and I knew he was mine. But my relationship with my son wasn’t normal. We didn’t have any skin-onskin contact at birth. I didn’t change his nap
