COMMENT
IT’S A DIRTY JOB, BUT SOMEONE’S GOTTA DO IT… JUST WHY DO SAILORS EMBRACE THE MESSIER SIDE OF LIFE?
How many of us have returned home from time spent sailing, gone to the bathroom and wondered at the sheer marvels of engineering that are flush button toilets and sewer systems? No pumping needed. No holding tank. Very low maintenance. And if, very rarely, the land toilet does break, most of us call out a plumber to fix it. I’ve never heard of anyone in a boatyard who specialises in unblocking other peoples’ heads. Is it even socially unacceptable to ask someone else to do that job? I’ve never dared.
As sailors, at some point we all end up having to service the heads. My friend Ryan celebrated this inevitable reality by having a scaled-up version of the Jabsco diagram that’s found in the toilet servicing manual printed on a T-shirt. All manner of people recognise it as he walks around wearing it – engineers, owners of multi-million pound yachts, racers, cruisers... And when they do, they usually do a double-take then smile, all thinking : ‘Oh you unfortunate soul, we are part of the same tribe.’ In the mutual comprehension of a basic diagram, a level of respect is born.
In August, I took a crew of women sailing in Iceland. One morning, in a picturesque anchorage we had a few maintenance tasks to complete before heading offshore. I offered the first choice of jobs to the crew who had stood the 0200-0400 watches on anchor the previous night (we dropped the hook in 40 knots). They took no time in opting to change the heads pumps, while the next group chose cleaning the bilges. The poor sods who were left until last had to help me run new halyards, re-organise sails, and wash the deck in the sunshine.
So, when we smile wryly at a diagram of a Jabsco heads pump are we shuddering in horror, or is it actually a fond memory? And what about bilge cleaning, sourcing diesel leaks, diving for lost parts in murky marina waters, or doing anything (which is in fact everything) in tiny, sweaty, awkward cupboards in impossibly gymnastic positions? Sailors for sure have a masochistic streak, though that’s usually fulfilled by sailing upwind in a gale, not dealing with bilge grime.
Once the Iceland crew had finished I asked them what made them choose to do those jobs? They explained that it was something they never normally got to do; that it was a task with high job satisfaction, with a binary pass or fail at the end. And similarly with the bilges, they saw it as an opportunity to get to know the boat and her systems be
