As an author of cat books, Chris does signing events in book stores. They’re not as glamorous as you might think…
As a writer of cat books, I sometimes attend book signings. You’d think I’d quite like this, as it’s my own books I’m signing, but it’s not nearly as good as it sounds. The thing is, my book signings are not what you’d probably imagine when you think ‘book signing.’ Imagine a Bill Bryson signing, with Bill sitting in a bookstore, his table piled high with books, press photographers busily clicking away, and a queue extending into the next street. Have you pictured that in your mind? Well, my signings are nothing like that.
The only similarity is the table. There’s usually a sign saying: ‘CHRIS PASCOE WILL BE SIGNING COPIES OF HIS NEW BOOK!’ but there’s no queue, and I regularly watch bemused people staring at the sign and mouthing ‘who?’
Indeed, I actually have to approach people and employ a sales pitch; usually something along the lines of “Hello! Do you like cats?” People who like cats smile and nod, but look at me as if I’m a lunatic. Not having noticed the sign on the door, being accosted in Waterstones by a portly man who suddenly appears in front of you and enquires which particular animals you favour, must be quite disturbing. But some of the responses I receive are equally odd: “Hi, can I ask, do you like cats?” I opened, as per normal.
“No, I don’t,” came the reply. I noted that my target’s face had darkened considerably. I’d clearly picked a bad one. “I think,” he continued thoughtfully, “all cats should be sent to New Zealand.”
There was complete silence for a moment. In the words of the comedian Stewart Lee: “However you may feel about his comment, you have to admit it was a bold opening conversational gambit.”
