Telling her son his father had died was the worst thing Tracey McAtamney’s ever done – now she’s supporting other people
As tears fell all around her, Tracy McAtamney stood up at her son Anthony’s wedding reception and, dry eyed, spoke about how proud his late father Tony would have been of him.
“It was hard but I kept it short and sweet,” recalls Tracey (56) who was suddenly widowed 18 years ago. Anthony was 15 and his younger brother, Oliver, just seven.
“My tears came while I was writing the speech. When I read it in front of 80 guests, I was actually fine. I made Anthony cry though!”
Happy family occasions like this are always difficult for the family because it’s when they feel Tony’s loss most acutely.
“Both my boys miss not being able to share special moments with their dad, but it’s also hard knowing what Tony’s missing as well. He was such a family man,” adds Tracey, from Solihull.
The family’s world changed forever on June 28, 2004, when Tony, a lawyer, collapsed and died with an abdominal aortic aneurysm on a Law Society golfing trip to Spain.
Tracey, who was due to fly out to join him with the boys after Anthony’s final GCSE exam, received the news in a phone call in the early hours of the following day.
“It felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach,” she says.
At the time, Oliver was asleep in Tracey and Tony’s bed and she was conscious that he didn’t wake up and hear the conversation. Moving to the bedroom next door, she relayed the news to Anthony.
When Oliver did briefly wake up alone in the bed, it was Anthony who reassured him that everything was all right, Mummy just had toothache.
The following morning, Tracey told Oliver the truth. “I always say the worst thing I had to do was tell a seven-year-old his daddy wasn’t coming home,” she says.
“He literally put his hands on my eyes and said: ‘Don’t cry Mummy.’ From then on I thought if that is the only thing I can do for him – not cry – Iwill. That probably helped me not to cry at the wedding!”
Putting on a brave face, Tracey dealt with the tragic situation, travelling to Spain two days later to repatriate Tony’s body. Back home, she tackled funeral arrangements and the mountain of business admin and regulation that needed attending to at Tony’s law practice. She even set up a specialist recruitment business to help people in her position.
“Up to that point, I’d been a mum who worked school hours doing Tony’s accounts. Now I had to really step up to the plate as we could have lost our hous
