Janet Ellis on navigating grief, her passion for children’s books, and living with her grandson
Books offer escapism during hard times for many of us, and there’s something particularly soothing about those we loved as children. They’ve certainly been a welcome distraction throughout challenges in Janet Ellis’ life. Firstly, by helping her adjust to the numerous moves that came about as the child of an Army father. And more recently by offering a sense of solidarity while navigating the painful loss of her beloved husband, John Leach.
She’s now putting this life-long passion to good use, hosting Twice Upon a Time, a podcast featuring interviews with famous faces – including Hayley Mills, Lorraine Kelly and Ben Miller – about their childhood favourite reads.
“I’ve never quite gotten over the thrill of seeing a new book in front of me,” enthuses Janet, 68, who still proudly remembers being member number 100 of the Puffin Club. “When you ask people what their favourite childhood book was, they kind of become that person again for a minute. The years fall away.”
The beloved Blue Peter star has weathered a particularly difficult few years after John, a television producer, passed away in July 2020. The couple, who have two children together as well as Janet’s daughter musician Sophie Ellis-Bextor from her first marriage, were married for 35 years. Sadly, John was diagnosed with cancer of the tonsils in 2016 and, after undergoing treatment and receiving the all-clear, was diagnosed with terminal secondary lung cancer in 2017. Naturally, he will always be at the forefront of the family’s minds, particularly during significant events. Janet recently wrote on Instagram, celebrating their daughter Martha’s engagement, that John’s absence is “…still puzzling and colossal but he knew all about the continuing power of happiness and the steady heartbeat of love.”
Almost four years on from losing him, Janet is finding a way to live with grief. “I don’t think it’s changed size and shape. It’s just I’ve moved it. And I think it’s a conscious decision – I’ve moved it to ‘alongside’, it can’t be in front of me all the time, because I can’t see anything else when it is. And it’s not fair on anyone, not least me,” she says.
“I’ve still got quite a bit of time left, I think. Even if I haven’t, I just feel like I keep wanting to be the person that he loved. I don’t want to become less than he knew.” It’s the end-of-day ‘debrief’, the sharing of news and opinions, that Janet misses the most: “I can’t imagine ever not minding that. It’s just someone who really knows you and knows what’s going on underneath, and that’s what you get from a partner.”
