best for STRAIGHT TALK
THE WAY I SEE IT... Wise words from our feisty, fearless and funny columnist
‘When I was little, going to the seaside was a massive treat. Seeing the sea, all the fun of the amusement arcades, cockles and mussels, fish and chips, candy floss, and seagulls – the sound of which said really loudly, “‘you’ve arrived”.
But, having lived in London for so many years that love for them has completely dissipated. So much so that I now hate them. I mean, I hate pigeons and always have, but seagulls are on another level. It’s not just London. Last week there were reports that Liverpool was being overrun with them, too. I bet it’s the same in most big cities where seagull populations are growing.
Which is partly because they’re a protected species. So when they’re nesting on your roof and waking you up at 4am every morning in the summer, you might want to kill them, and it doesn’t matter however expensive the houses they permanently s**t on and disturb are, you can’t do anything about it. They must be left to breed wherever they want. Hence the numbers.
And then there’s the trash. Councils are constantly cutting bin collections which means they’re spilling over. So, when the rats and foxes have torn the bags open and taken what they want, the scavenging seagulls then come down and make even more mess.
It’s no wonder they’re so big. I’m sure they used to be a normal bird size, but now they’re the size of dogs. And they’re violent! Don’t even try to eat your fish and chips on the seafront, you’ll end up like Tippi Hedren in
