Emma Brand is a highly experienced BACP registered counsellor who specialises in supporting adults with anxiety, depression and bereavement. She also works with the LGBTQIA+ community. See: elbcounsellingservices.com
Should I just close the door on him?
Q After making our divorce final, I’ve realised that I’m actually more in love with my ex-hubby than ever before. How do I get out of this sticky situation? It’s cost me a fortune!
A Going through a big life change, including a divorce, can have a significant financial and emotional impact. It can bring up a lot of emotions. The process of divorce can also bring up feelings of loss and grief for what the relationship could have been, which is completely understandable.
It can make us reflect on past relationships, too. It sounds like your exploration of feelings for your ex-husband have opened up again.
I wonder how it might feel to explore them more with someone you trust. This may help you understand how you would like to move forward. Being open and honest about your feelings may help you find the closure you need to move forward.
I’m only hurting myself…
Q I’m not used to having such a healthy relationship and it’s pushing me further away from my partner. I’m almost waiting for everything to go wrong. What’s wrong with me?
A It sounds like you are feeling conflicted within yourself in your new relationship. When we have experienced conflict in past relationships, internal conflict in a new relationship is completely normal.
You may feel like you are doubting yourself and where you stand. Sometimes we can feel something is wrong with us, but this is part of the process of unravelling our relationship history and what our healthy boundaries are.
Each relationship brings its own dynamic, and it can be hard not to compare past relationships or assume that our current partner will act in the same way. How would it feel to explore this more with your partner to open up the dialogue?
It sounds like he would be open to this and genuinely wants to know how you are feeling. You could perhaps explore a ‘relationship check in’ together to discuss how you’re both feeling.
You could do this by taking a walk or drive in the car together to take the pr
