CLOSER NEWS REPORT
As it’s revealed we’re Googling this recently identified form of emotional abuse more than ever, Closer speaks to a survivor who wants to help women recognise when they’re being love-bombed
When Ellie Thompson* first met Dan at a local pub, she wasn’t interested in dating. But despite making that clear to him, Dan persistently asked Ellie’s friend to hand over her number.
VICTIM
After several messages asking her out, Ellie eventually relented. She says, “I found it flattering that he was so keen, and he showered me with attention.”
But over time, Dan changed and Ellie found herself trapped. She says, “He’d pick fights with me, highlighting my insecurities and would intimidate me. But I had no idea how unhealthy our relationship was.”
Ellie, 35, was a victim of“love bombing” – when someone throws lots of affection and compliments your way – but it isn’t genuine. A love bomber uses these tactics to win trust, and get you to commit, so that they can manipulate you.
There has been a recent spike in Google searches about love bombing, showing that, worryingly, it’s on the rise.
Consultant Clinical Psychologist Dr Naomi Murphy says, “People with low self-esteem are particularly vulnerable as they find it hard to believe someone can see how special they are. They can’t imagine anybody else would ever adore them as much as the love bomber.
“Love bombers are often narcissistic, and can have a very low sense of self-worth. They feel defective and ashamed, but aren’t brave enough to acknowledge this to themselves. They put all their effort into avoiding this reality and hiding their faults from others. Consequently, they try and deceive others, and themselves, into thinking they are special and virtuous.”
When Dan first started messaging Ellie in 2017, she found it flattering. She says, “It felt like Dan was giving me his undivided attention.”
They went on three dates until Ellie ended it after he assaulted someone in a bar. Ellie says, “I’m not OK with that type of behaviour, and I said I didn’t want to see him again. I felt physically sick and anxious.” But Dan persuaded Ellie to give him another chance.
She says, “He said that his uncle had recently died and something bad had happened the day of the assault. He said that he wasn’t an aggressive person and, after a couple of months, against my better judgement, we went out again.”
At first things were going well – but then Dan changed. Ellie says, “I was constantly crying and I was exhausted. He was picking fights with me. I never knew what mood he was going to be in and I felt like I had to have sex with him.
“Dan would turn up uninvited to things. On one occasion, we were out with friends discussing a topic a
