CLOSER NEWS REPORT
New research has highlighted how many of those caring for a family member are feeling under-supported and pushed to the brink. Closer speaks to two women who are affected…
It’s 7am when Louise Yates arrives at her mum Marion’s house around the corner. She helps the 74-year-old out of bed and gets her washed and dressed.
“Being a carer is an amazing privilege, but so is your own freedom and liberty,” Louise says. “Mum can’t do anything for herself. If I give her a toothbrush, she’ll start cleaning the sink with it. She’s incontinent now and I have to clean up after her, which I find really hard.
“When I’m getting her dressed, she doesn’t realise that I can’t put her trousers on if she doesn’t lift her leg. She’ll ask me if it’s bedtime when she’s just got up. And she’ll ask the same thing over and over, hundreds of times.”
EXHAUSTION
Marion was diagnosed with dementia with Lewy Bodies a couple of weeks after the death of Louise’s dad, Peter, so Louise, 50, who lives in Peterborough, resigned from her job as a special educational needs co-ordinator to care for her.
Now it’s been more than three years, and the exhaustion of being a full-time carer is taking its toll. Louise says, “I worry about my relationship with my husband, as we never see each other.”
Then there are her children, a 24-year-old son and 21-year-old daughter. They both live away, but Louise can never visit – she can barely squeeze in the time for a phone call. She says, “I’ll get home from Mum’s around 8pm. I won’t have eaten lunch or dinner, just grabbed things throughout the day. I’ll try to FaceTime the kids, but I’m always so tired by the time I’ve got all the jobs done in my own house. If I sit down for a second, I fall asleep.”
Her husband recently suffered health problems, but Louise’s full-time responsibility of caring for her mum meant she was unable to go along to hospital appointments with him, and the couple’s daughter went instead.
Louise says, “I always feel like I’m being pulled in lots of different directions and I’m always letting somebody down. If I’m looking after Mum, then I feel I’m letting my husband and the kids down, and vice versa. Everyone tells you to be sure to make time for yourself, but you can’t.”
She adds, “I get £69 a week in carer’s allowance. With the time I spend caring, that works out at less than 80p an hour. I’ve had to start selling stuff on Vinted that I wouldn’t have otherwise, to make some extra cash.”
STRAIN
Charity Carers UK believes more needs to be done to support carers, who are reaching a crisis point. The charity has published the findings of its 2023 State of Caring Survey. The survey of 10,750 unpaid carers looking after relatives or friends who are older, disable
