what does it really mean to 'have it all' in 2022?
Thirty years ago, Cosmopolitan iconic editor Helen Gurley Brown brought this divisive phrase to the masses. Amy Grier finds out what it really means today
It's 1982. shoulder pads are in, the hair is big. white wine spritzers are the height of chic and Culture Club gets you on the dance floor. Women are stealthily working their way up the professional ranks. Hell, there's even a woman running the country (hi, Maggie). Oh, and everyone you Know is reading Having It All: Love, success, sex, Money (Even It you started With Nothing) by Helen Gurley
You may not be a fan of the term but, back then, ‘having it all’ was a big deal. Brown, who at the time had been at the helm of Cosmopolitan US for 20 years, was ‘a trailblazer in the women’s liberation movement’, says Kaitlynn Mendes, professor in gender, media and sociology at the University of Leicester. ‘Rather than being bound to the home, “having it all” represented ambition beyond what was expected of women at the time.’
Even though Brown didn’t invent the phrase, she made it shorthand for the notion that women can have a family, career and good sex. However, some have since said it applies unnecessary pressure to women to be all things to all people. Men have also quite rightly raised that they want the freedom to spend time raising their family, too. It also left little nuance for race, sexuality and gender identity, focusing on heterosexual cisgendered women. So I’m not here to debate whether we can or cannot ‘have it all’. That argument has been had to death on every platform, by everyone from politicians to prize-winning feminist scholars (oh, and Oprah) and all of us in between. No. What I want to know is, what does the ‘all’ entail now?
CAREER
When my mum had me in 1985, just three years after Brown’s book came out, she was one of the few women in her friendship and family circle who worked full-time. I was so proud of her. She worked her ass off and was an incredible role model to me, but it wasn’t easy for her, either in or out of the workplace. As 1980s consumerism and rising costs of living took hold, women like my mum went to work because they had to or, in some cases, because they wanted to (a privilege largely afforded to white, middle-class women, with working-class women having long been out, contributing financially to their households). Sexism was rife, and the notion that there was ‘women’s work’ and ‘men’s work’ persisted. Combined, you can see why Brown’s message that you could pursue a career that was challenging and rewarding was a breath of fresh air. Success, in the form of money and a sure and steady climb up the ladder, suddenly felt attainable – as did financial self-sufficiency.
That we
