The pleasure’s mine
‘O breaks’, our brain crotch and the afterglow: why masturbation might be the thing your skin has been missing all along…
Let me set the scene: it’s lockdown in May 2020 and I’m self-isolating at my parents’ house, having dinner with my family – and I cannot hear a thing. I’ve spent the afternoon up in my room masturbating and, somehow, I’ve orgasmed myself into temporary deafness. Turns out, it’s a very extreme reaction people with a vulva can have after orgasming. At this point, I’ve got over 15 years’ worth of orgasms under my belt, but never have I been unable to hear my sister ask if I can pass her the salt. Another unexpected result? My skin has never looked better.
While many spent the pandemic jade-rollering TikTok-induced dark circles or rekindling their love of knitting to curb anxiety, I spent it masturbating. I’d never been more sexually frustrated in my life – a cruel irony seeing as physical contact was against the rules (for everyone but Matt Hancock, apparently).
Friends and work colleagues were complimenting my skin on Zoom calls and asking what new products I was using, but the thing was, I hadn’t changed my skincare routine. Although it’s not like I could tell my boss, ‘Oh, this glow? I had two orgasms during my lunch break.’ I’m not talking about a permanent rosy finish to my cheeks that a beauty brand could package into a blush and sell – this was a glow from within.
The work/life/orgasm balance
As with most people who took up lockdown hobbies, when a ‘normal’ version of life returned, I couldn’t spend as much time on my craft as I wanted to, and my skin noticed. Yes, the government was letting us have sex again – and entanglements and situationships came and went – but sadly, very few added to my orgasm tally. (Thanks, pleasure gap.) Life got in the way and my skin wasn’t looking as healthy as it did during my peak orgasm intake throughout lockdown.
I drafted an array of skincare lotions and potions to try to rectify the issue, but they didn’t seem to be cutting it. Nothing was giving me the glow reflected in the skin of selfies past, and that’s when it clicked. My skin seemed to fluctuate depending on my sex habits, so I thought I’d investigate.
Orgasms release a sex hormone that’s known to have anti-ageing benefits
I wanted to see if regular climaxes would bring my skin back from the brink; a win-win situation, if you ask me. At my lockdown peak, I was averaging about six or seven a day – I had nothing else to do, other than play Wordle – but in non-pandemic life, I decided three felt more achievable. I devised a schedule to do it at the same time every day, meaning I’d be less l
