If people’s food intolerances are genuine, fair enough, says comedian George Egg – he’ll go to great lengths to accommodate them. But if they’re not, woe betide the flaky eater who sits down at the Egg dinner table…
I’m a tolerant person, but if Caroline has announced her newly adopted veganism and as a result I’ve ensured half the buffet table is groaning under the weight of wholesome good vibes, should I catch her taking a cheeky bite out of Felix’s ham and cheese croquette, I’m coming down on her like a ton of tofu. Him too, for that matter.
Reduce my available larder options, limit my ingredients and I’ll thrive. I relish the challenge. You see, I’m an accommodating cook, and I’m more than happy to please everyone. Despite being a meat-fancier, I won’t baulk at the prospect of feeding my vegetarian friends or, better still, my vegan strangers, with whatever they desire – or don’t.
I’m happy to avoid nuts or seeds – particularly when I’m made aware their inclusion could mean a 999 call. If someone can’t eat gluten, either because they’re genuinely allergic to it or even if they’re simply following the advice of their psycho-nutritionist after a particularly intense session with the rune stones, I’ll seek an alternative and I’ll enjoy doing so.
Be it because of weight-watching, religion, ethics, environmental factors or any number of other reasons, George Egg will feed you gleefully. Nobody’s getting an empty plate on my watch, whoever you are, whatever it is you can’t eat and for whatever reason – unless of course your particular quirk is that you’re on the 5:2 and we’re on a ‘two’ day.
So why might you find me crying “Get your spoon OUT of the tabbouleh Rick, you told me you were doing Paleo and I’ve made you an entire Paleo section... Now get back to the meat and cheese zone!”?
Personally I’ll eat anything… within reason. I'm fortunate not to suffer from any allergies, I’ve no religious dietary restrictions and I don’t have an especially sensitive moral compass.
