Point of view
SUSAN CALMAN
The menopause was once shrouded in secrecy, says our columnist, but now it’s being talked about we can all feel less isolated
There’s something I’ve heard talk of for years; like a dark fairy tale for women, spoken of in hushed tones by groups of nervous looking, sweating ladies desperate to find out what’s happening to them. When I was younger, the menopause wasn’t so much a natural part of life, more a horror story. And like the best horrors, information was sparse and, with each telling, the details got worse. Of course, ignorance is the cause of most fear. I knew more about the Loch Ness Monster than I did about my reproductive system and it felt like the menopause was hiding round the corner waiting for me, like a hormonal Freddy Krueger.
I remember hearing women whisper about ‘the change of life’ as if it was a transformational moment when you became a completely different person. Last year, I learned that wasn’t true, because it happened to me. And in this column, I’m going to tell you about my experience.
In many ways I was lucky, in that several of my friends had started going through the menopause, so I realised quite quickly that I was starting to go through that special time.
I say I realised it. It was one of my friends who sat me down, pointed at me like a medical Hercule Poirot, and said: ‘Welcome to the club.’
I (luckily) avoided the many hot flushes that had so plagued my pals. Although, that feeling of heat coursing through my body is not totally unknown to me. I remember walking into a shop, turning bright red, sweating through my clothes and standing there, quite unable to decide what to do. A woman walked past me, smiled, and said: ‘Outside is better.’ And it was.
For me, I found the mood changes the most difficult. I’m a woman who has been quite open about my mental health; I’ve had times when I’ve felt quite depressed. But this was different. It was like all the joy had been sucked out of life and it heightened every anxiety I’ve ever had. I also found absolutely everything that my lovely partner did annoying and horrific (mainly the way she spoke, ate and breathed);I became, to put it politely, a nightmare.
The most upsetting thing for me was the almost
