We live in a time of strong opinions, so keep talking and listening, says Josh Smith
WITH THE ELECTION in the news, and and divisive global politics causing friction between friends and family, we live in a time of sensitive topics and strong feelings. It’s tempting to avoid hot-button conversations when we know a loved one won’t agree – but I believe we need to embrace them.
Divisions are made worse by the fact that we hide behind our phones. On social media, algorithms amplify the information that will sustain our attention; this means that the opinions we’re shown are increasingly extreme. Meanwhile, communication on screen is clumsy: we post things we wouldn’t say face to face, and in WhatsApp chats with friends, rogue punctuation can trigger a feud.
As a result, our social lives have become an algorithm of their own. It used to be common that within marriages, two people might vote differently; now we struggle even to be friends across a political divide. To find a way forward, we need to stop shouting into the void of the internet, and relearn the art of healthy, in-person discussions – starting with more empathy. No conversation is perfect. We often go into sensitive exchanges feeling nervous, worrying that we might not get our point across. Say to yourself and others, ‘I am nervous about this conversation. I might not get it right, but it’s important we try.’ If you walk away thinking, ‘I haven’t changed my mind but I now understand another perspective,’ that’s a success.
A conversation is not a grudge match. The goal is not to try to ‘win’, as politicians often do, but to improve our understanding and find solutions. Stay curious. Instead of shutting an idea down or talking over someone, let them speak. When it’s your turn, ask ‘What do you mean by that?’ or ‘H
