It’s time to talk
Conversations around the menopause are opening up, but it can still be daunting to talk to the men in your life about what you’re going through. Here’s why you should try, and how to do it…
WORDS | Claire Munnings
When Sinead Sharkey-Steenson, a 47-year-old mum-of-two from Belfast, first spoke to her husband about her peri-menopausal symptoms she says it felt like a huge weight off her shoulders. “At the start, I didn’t really want to admit what I was going through, even to myself,” she says, “but when I started to feel really low, I could see my husband starting to wonder if it was something to do with him and I decided I wanted to be totally open with how I was feeling. So instead of holding it all in, I broached it over a glass of wine. He was so lovely and understanding and has been incredibly supportive ever since. He’s not great with tears but now knows to ask whether I need a hug, and often that’s all it takes.”
Sinead, who’s a career coach and the founder of leadership coaching platform Generation Women (genwomen. global), has also been open about the menopause with other men in her life, including her brothers.
“Their response has been quite a shock,” she reveals. “I expected they’d be sympathetic, but I’ve been surprised by just how supportive they’ve been. One of my brothers is a nurse so I often ask him about medical things and he’s always on hand for good advice. The other has a number of friends going through menopause and has taken it upon himself to get educated. They both check in on me regularly to see how I’m doing.”
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
For Sinead, sharing the highs and lows of the menopause has changed her experience of it, and enabled her to gain extra support from those she loves. And this is something menopause coach Kate Usher (menopauseinbusiness.com) is keen to encourage other women to do.
“Menopause for too long has been seen as a woman-only issue,” Kate says. “Until recently it has been a complex knit of shame, social discomfort and historical stereotypes, reinforcing the need to keep it private and us silent. This has meant that women have arrived at this phase in life with little knowledge of what is to come. Men however have been excluded from any discussion and are completely unaware of what it is or how it might affect us. They have been actively taught by the same historical practices not to get involved. While it might feel uncomfortable starting the conversation around menopause, it is essential. Men are not mind readers. They will not understand – unless they have prior experience – what is going on.”
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