Feel as though you have unresolved issues from your childhood? Learning to reparent yourself could allow you to move forward
Those of you familiar with Philip Larkin’s famous poem, This be the verse, will know the shocking way he declares that our parents are to blame for our less-than-desirable idiosyncrasies. “They f*ck you up your mum and dad, they may not mean to, but they do,” he writes. “They fill you with the faults they had and add some extra, just for you.”
And while his words can be described as rather extreme, there is truth in the idea that our parents and how they bring us up can have an impact on the way we live the rest of our lives.
Childhood trauma sits heavy on some people’s shoulders, and whether that’s a result of neglect, abuse or having unmet emotional needs, the consequences can be far-reaching. But even those of us who feel we have had a loving and nurturing upbringing can still be harbouring hidden issues stemming from those early years.
Enter the idea of reparenting. This form of psychotherapy aims to address shortfalls in the care we received as a child and enable us to live healthy, happy lives as adults.
“It’s when an adult works to meet their own emotional and physical needs that went unmet when they were growing up,” explains Chelsea Robinson, a motherhood therapist and founder of Mama’s Modern Village (mamasmodernvillage.com). “Having the skills to manage relationships, set boundaries, cope positively with life’s challenges and take care of ourselves is not innate in any of us; in fact, it is something that is learned, and this begins in childhood with our caregivers. If we don’t have parents that were able to model these behaviours or set expectations for us in these ways, then we may struggle with these issues in adulthood too.”
While this sort of therapy is usually geared towards those who have had traumatic experiences in their childhood, it can actually provide benefits for everyone.
“Reparenting offers us the opportunity to nurture ourselves, to enquire about ourselves and respond with self-care,” Jacqueline Carson, a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist (hypnotherapy-darlington.co.uk), explains. “It is a chance to explore our inner feelings with honesty and to address any triggers.”
It can be of particular benefit for those who are struggling with emotional pain, or those who find it difficult to form and maintain healthy relationships, she adds. Anyone who is always seeking approval and validation or who feels a disconnect or isolation from others could also find it useful.
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