Horizons SCIENCE, TECHNOLOGY + HEALTH
MENTAL HEALTH
Loosening up and ceding control are some of the most important strategies for making life easier for a neurodiverse loved one
Penn and Kim Holderness are widely celebrated for their entertaining viral parody videos (singing included!) on topics ranging from parenting and helping kids with homework and masking up for the pandemic (to the tune of the Hamilton soundtrack) to “stupid” healthy habits and everything in between. Now, Penn and Kim are tackling a serious subject close to their hearts in their new book, adhd is awesome. It’s a lively but informative dive into what the ADHD brain is and systems and strategies that neurodiverse people and their loved ones can use to make the most of their unique brain chemistry. In addition to so many practical tips, the book is as humorous as the Holderness Family videos are and reads like a love letter between Penn and Kim, modeling a relationship in which the partners value one another and work hard to strengthen those bonds. This excerpt from their book highlights things anyone can do to support a loved one with ADHD.
On a recent episOde Of Our pOdcast, musician and inspirational speaker Carlos Whittaker shared a story that his dad used to tell him: if a ship sets out on a thousand-mile journey and it steers true, it will arrive at its destination. But if the navigation is off by as little as one degree, the ship will miss its mark by miles. Why am I talking about ships (aside from the fact that they seem to defy the laws of physics—a fully loaded aircraft carrier can hold 75 aircraft and 4,500 crew and weigh more than 100,000 tons...and still float!)? Life in an ADHD household is similar to navigating a long distance. A series of small miscalculations can lead you to a place far, far from where you’d hoped to be. If this is the case in your life, take heart, friends, because even if your relationship with your ADHDer is wildly off course, you can course-correct with small but effective changes.
The main thing to avoid is slipping into reaction mode, where you are playing Whac-a-Mole with crises as they pop up. This can leave you frantic, out of control and incredibly tense. There is a better way.
Kim and I have friends who have an Easter tradition called the Battle of the Eggs. At the end of dinner, each family member selects one of the dyed hard- boiled eggs, turns to their neighbor at the table and knocks their egg against their neighbor’s egg, trying to crack it. The last person to have an uncracked egg wins. The secret to coming out on top is to hold your egg loosely so your hand absorbs the shock. Hold the egg too firmly, and the shell shatters. When you are supporting someone with ADHD, that’s what you want to aim for: a loose, comfort
