Stuck for what to do? Write to Pick Me Up! for some good advice
Deborah Hillis an experienced couples and family therapist who specialises in relationship issues. She is an accredited member of the BACP and offers her support to couples and familiesin the UK and across the world.
Please visit bacp.co.ukand relationshiphelp.uk
Can I make the first move?
Q I’ve been talking to a guy online but I’m not sure how to initiate the idea of going on a date. The chat seems stagnant and I don’t want to make the first move. What can I do?
A Stagnant chat does sound as though nothing much is happening. It seems as though neither of you want to make the first move.
Perhaps the guy is shy or unsure of himself. He could be someone who likes chatting online and wants to know someone better before meeting.
There is no harm in bringing up the subject of a date. You could ask him when he last had a date, or ask him where he likes to go and what he likes to do.
We often prefer the other person to make the first move, because it gives us some reassurance that we are wanted.
When we make the first move, we make ourselves vulnerable to the possibility of rejection and this is painful.
Perhaps the guy has recently experienced rejection himself and this is making him cautious.
Rather than continuing to hang on and wait, you may well feel better for suggesting a meet-up.
If he declines, you know it could be for a variety of reasons, but definitely not because of who you are.
I just can't afford it
Q I’ve been invited to my close friend’s hen party. Her wedding is abroad so we already have to fork out for that, but the hen party is a city break in Madrid. It’s the best part of £500. I can’t afford to go but I’m feeling really pressured, particularly by the maid-of-honour. How can I get out of it?
A It sounds as though you are a good friend as you have already committed to your friend's wedding abroad.
This is the important day, and you are going to be part of it.
Attending the hen party is another big expense for you as it is in Madrid.
People only have a certain amount of disposable income, especially during this cost-of-living-crisis. Also, people have different priorities as to where or how to spend their money.
As your friend is asking family and friends to travel abroad for the wedding, it might have been a better idea to hold the hen night somewhere in the UK.
It sounds as though your company is very much valued and your friend wants you to be with them.
However, you have every right to say that, at this current moment in time, yo
