If you’ve always felt out of place when it comes to sex, you might be asexual. But what exactly is asexuality?
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Settling into bed, you already anticipate what’s coming next.
Your partner is keen to get frisky – even after years together, the spark has never died.
Yet for you, that same desire isn’t there.
Perhaps it’s never been. It’s not that you don’t find your partner good looking, or don’t want to feel close to them.
‘Sorry, I’ve got a headache,’ you tell your partner, making up an excuse – you don’t know how to explain that you just don’t fancy having sex.
Maybe you’ve always felt uninterested in having sex.
Is there something wrong with me? you might think.
For years, your lack of desire has been something you couldn’t quite explain.
At least, that’s until you heard of asexuality.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as ‘the quality of not experiencing sexual attraction or a desire to have sexual relationships’.
The term ‘ace’ is used as an umbrella term to describe people who experience little, fluctuating or no sexual attraction, too.
However, asexuality is often widely misunderstood.
Many may see it as another label, often more widely spoken about among young people.
In Netflix’s Heartstopper and Sex Education, both shows depict characters who are asexual, so young people can see themselves represented in the media.
But for those over the age of 30, who may just be hearing about asexuality for the first time, they may not have a useful reference point.
As a result, a lack of representation can lead to many misconceptions about what asexuality is.
Ace in the UK, a report by Stonewall and asexual activist Yasmin Benoit, conducted in October 2023, found that ace people make up between 1% to 2% of the population.
Yet the report also found that only one in four asexual people are open about their sexuality with their friends.
Upon hearing the word asexual, many might assume it is a blanket term for ‘not wanting to have sex’.
However, Michael Doré, board of directors and project team member for The Asexuality, Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), has explained it is more nuanced than this.
‘Asexuality is not a black and white thing – it’s actually a spectrum,’ Michael explains. ‘We use the term ‘grey-asexual’ for those who might experience sexual attraction at times, but either more rarely or at a lower intensity than most people.’ ‘It is possible that some individuals are interested in sexual activity, whether that be to maintain intimacy or to enjoy the physical sensation,’ adds Mo Carrier, sexual wellness expert and founder of MyBliss.
Yet attitudes towards sex with a partner ca
