Your
Stuck for what to do? Write to Pick Me Up! for some good advice
Madeleine Kingsley is a highly experienced and qualified BACP registered relationship counsellor. She has over 30 years’ experience of working with couples, individuals, families, children and young people on awide range of issues. To find out more about counselling visit: bacp.co.uk
Will I ever be me again?
Q Cancer treatment has completely knocked my confidence. The relationship Ihave with my husband isn’t the same anymore and I’m worried that he is going to leave me due to this. How can I find myself again?
A It’s a huge shock to be diagnosed with cancer. Treatment can leave you feeling less like a person and more like a patient, as your life is measured out in hospital appointments and test results.
When your world is interrupted it’s only natural that your confidence feels undermined.
To reinforce your emotional recovery, why not check out your local cancer support groups? Macmillan has a list online.
I can’t help thinking that your husband has also found that his whole world has been shaken, as he’s watched you suffer.
Perhaps, just to get by without crumbling, you’ve both held back and shared few of your feelings.
What if he doesn’t reach out in the night because he knows how much you need sleep?
Try reading ABetter Normal: Your Guide to Rediscovering Intimacy After Cancer by Tess Devèze. It will help you turn to each other again and visualise the good times yet to come.
Hurryupandleave!
Q This sounds awful but I can’t wait for my kids to grow up. Iwant freedom from family life and can’t wait for them to leave the nest. Does this feeling last forever?
AYour longing for liberty sounds pretty normal to me.
Child rearing is as relentless as repainting the Forth Bridge and offspring only get louder, hungrier and costlier as they grow.
But when the domestic going gets grim, even 21st century women are supposed to keep calm and carry on, churning out lasagne and clean socks.
No wonder we dream of putting our feet up and ourselves first.
I love the heroine in Anne Tyler’s novel Ladder of Years who actually acts out a familiar escape fantasy. She leaves her squabbling family on the beach, walks away and just keeps on going, heading for independence.
In real life you can lighten the load without such drastic action. Recharge with a glass of wine and a good laugh w
