Our lives
Caring for your partner changes life as you know it, but it’s also something many of us end up doing. Three women share their moving stories…
Retired psychotherapist Alison Littleford, 70, from Wolverhampton, explains how much her marriage has changed since her husband Frank’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis…
‘For a long time, it was hard to admit to myself that I’d become Frank’s carer. But I came to realise that only by calling myself a carer and acknowledging his needs could I keep him safe and happy.
I first realised something was wrong around six years ago. Frank, now 79, had always been a very confident driver, but he began to make mistakes. When he started to forget names and missed our wedding anniversary, I tried to talk about it with him, but he dismissed my concerns as getting older. ‘Everyone forgets things,’ he said.
But I knew it was more than that and, in December 2018, I persuaded him to go to the GP. When he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease more than a year later, it wasn’t a surprise, but it was devastating to have it confirmed. I immediately imagined the big things that would change, such as not being able to go on holiday, but I hadn’t realised how much it would affect the minutiae of our lives together, such as who made the morning coffee, who stacked the dishwasher or who chose the TV programmes. A slow, crushing sadness came as I watched Frank struggle with the things we once took for granted.
Frank spent most of his working life as a probation officer, a difficult job that required him to be meticulous while showing great empathy. It’s been hard to witness the embarrassment my proud husband feels when his symptoms are exposed, such as when he forgets the names of family and friends he loves dearly. Sometimes he tells them about a day out we’ve had, forgetting they were with us.
If I gently remind him, he’s mortified.
It’s heartbreaking.
Frank had always been so capable, full of get-up-and-go. We both worked full-time for years and were looking forward to spending our retirement together, walking and going on holidays, but those plans have been taken away.
CO
