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HOW NOT TO BE A VICTIM
If you’re looking for love online, remember people aren’t always all they seem…
For anyone finding themselves single in midlife, it can be a shock to discover the dating landscape has changed dramatically. The number of over-50s using dating sites has doubled in the past decade, and while many do find love as a result, there’s a dark side, too. Last year, romance scams rose by a fifth, with the average amount lost by a victim now nearly £7,000. So how can you protect yourself when you’re looking for love?
When Mary Chater looks back on her short two-month ‘romance’ with a fraudster, she still finds it baffling that she fell for the scam.
It started with an innocuous comment, from a man calling himself Dani on a post she’d put up on Facebook showing some mince pies she’d baked. Within days they were chatting constantly, there followed video calls, lengthy phone conversations – and eventually Mary being scammed out of £1,000.
Mary, 65, an actor from Brighton, explains, ‘When my husband Julian died in June 2020, it was devastating. I missed everything about him; the laughter, having someone to chat to about the trivial dayto-day things, and the physical side of our relationship, too.
I now realise that made me vulnerable.
By December 2022, when Dani made that first comment, complimenting me on my mince pies and my beautiful eyes, I was ready for a new relationship, though I hadn’t envisaged meeting anyone in that way. I replied to his comment and we soon moved to Google chat. He told me he was Danish but had trained as a doctor in America and now worked for the UN in Somalia. He called me baby and always complimented me.
I loved feeling feminine and attractive again. And he replied to my messages thoughtfully – it was bliss to have someone to chat to who seemed interested in what I was doing. It helped that he was extremely handsome.’
I said, ‘Why would I send money to a stranger?’
Besotted, Mary admits that still, at the back of her mind, she did wonder if it was a scam, but quashed her fears.
She remembers, ‘It was all so exciting and made me feel lighthearted again. We’d chat on the phone, and he was fascinating. We attempted some video calls, but it was always so dark in the background that I couldn’t see his face clearly and he told me that the internet was patchy in Somalia, so it was easier to message instead.’
When the requests for money came, Mary initially batted them away. But Dani persisted and eventually she gave in. ‘He was so convincing, saying he desperately needed it for medical research, that I did it. First I sent gift cards online, as he said that would be easiest, and then I sent cash through my bank. Luckily, after a couple of payme
