THE LIFE LAB
Coaching in action
In their first session together, the award-winning coach Kim Morgan helps her client Marsha* weigh up a sense of duty and the cost to her own desires
Session one...
Marsha had been a delegate on a group coaching course I had run about making the most of retirement. At that time, Marsha had just retired from a long career as an HR professional. She was a vivacious and adventurous woman who wanted the next years of her life to be her ‘golden years’. By the end of the course, she had made many exciting plans for her future, including travel, study, painting, writing, wild-water swimming and charity work.
Some months later, I received an email from her, asking if she could have some one-to-one coaching with me. She was conflicted about something, and needed a sounding board.
We met for our first coaching session the following week. ‘I need some help with a decision,’ she said. ‘I want some time to think without other people’s opinions clouding my thoughts.’
I assured Marsha I would do my best to provide a safe space for her.
‘I knew you would,’ she said. ‘That’s why I’m here. I loved the retirement course. I left feeling so fired up about my newfound freedom and plans.’ Marsha paused before speaking again.
‘But I think those plans have been scuppered! My daughter has asked me if I will look after my grandchildren before and after school, and in the holidays, for the foreseeable future. She and her partner are struggling to pay for childcare, and neither of them wants to step off the career ladder.’ Marsha looked at me and shrugged. ‘I mean, what am I supposed to say? No?’
‘Is “No” what you want to say?’ I asked.
‘If I’m honest, and being selfish, then, yes! I want to say that this is my time now. I’m in my 60s, and I don’t know how many years I have ahead of me. I’ve worked hard all my life – I’ve been a parent; done the potty training, the school runs, the homework, and I don’t want to do it again. I want to dance into my retirement and do all the thingsI’ve waited decades to do. I want to enjoy my grandchildren as a doting grandma! I don’t want to parent them, which will totally change my relationship with them. I want to say to my daughter, “Why did you have to put me in a position where I can’t say no?’”
I asked Marsha, ‘Where is that response coming from – your head, your heart, or your gut?’
Marsha didn’t hesitate: ‘My heart, without doubt!’ I asked, ‘What is your head saying?’
‘My head is still saying I don’t want to do it. I’ve made plans, and my life matters, too. It’s also saying that there may be another solution or a compromi
