WRITE TO FLOURISH
Flailing in the choppy waters of loss and new love, Jackee Holder picks up the pen and rediscovers her sense of self…
Over the past few months, my sleep has been erratic, and I have been engulfed in a long period of silent grief at the loss of an older sibling. And, at the same time, I have been deeply immersed in the fresh heat and thrill of a new relationship that has been both intense and exhilarating. Tough times and joy have the unspoken ability to inhabit the same spaces.
It’s funny to think that back when I was in my mid-30s, I would dream of a day when I was in my 50s and free from parental responsibility. I imagined my days filled with long walks, uninterrupted time in my journal, my nose in a book, ready to turn my pen to a blank page.
Instead, now I find my hands full of other people’s stuff, other people’s words, other people’s ideas. I drown out my own voice by listening daily to an orchestra of podcasts one after the other, all promising me a better version of myself. I prioritise other people’s events whilst discarding the one thing that always brings me back to myself: journalling.
And that’s what I’ve realised these past months – my relationship with my journalling has been choppy, here and there, like a rough passage. What’s missing, I ask myself. I know that what I need more than anything is to fiercely protect my appointments with my journal, in the same way I make myself available for other people’s meetings.
This distance from my journal is telling on me. I feel unbalanced, scattered, and unclear in so many places. Journalling soothes me. It irons out the creases in my anxiety, untangles my fears, and engages my vision and clarity. So, this month, I invite you to work with me as we get ourselves back into a groove of showing up for ourselves through the sacred practice of journal writing. Let’s begin by identifying designated space in your working day or working week where you will do what the writer Sark refers to as your ‘own work’. What time in your day or your week do you feel most creative? Schedule your ‘own work’ time during this point in your day. Remember, this is not homework. It’s not a space for responding to emails, invoicing, or anything to do with paid or unpaid work. In my world, my ‘own work’ includes at least 15 minutes of journalling before getting out of bed, in intimate conversation with myself on the page. When time is generous, it’s writing morning pages longhand and taking dedicated uninterrupted space to work on my own creative projects. It’
