When life throws you big stresses, it can help to think small, says Fearne Cotton. Here, she shares the tiny lessons learned from her Happy Place podcast – and her own experiences – that shifted her perspective
Say a non-religious prayer
Non-religious prayer is an act of handing over control to something bigger than us, and we don’t have to align with one certain doctrine to do it. It can be spoken out loud and a moment when you ask for support or guidance. Don’t get too hung up on who you are talking to. You might want to ask the universe, the spirit of a deceased loved one or keep it totally ambiguous. You may want to write the prayer in your notebook or just think it in your head. Praying doesn’t mean the answer reveals itself immediately, but you might notice a lessening of stress, a feeling of support and, down the line, new thoughts or ideas.
Draw your life pie chart
I watched an incredible talk by Shonda Rhimes recently. Her admission that every time she’s nailing it at work, she is missing out on story time with her kids at home, and every time she is sewing a Halloween costume for her children, she is falling behind at work, made me feel much less alone in the pressure put on parents. We simply cannot do it all. These days, I like to think of my life as a pie chart. I have actively decided that my priorities are family and work. Someone else’s might be caring for someone, physical wellbeing or a hobby. But drawing this chart is a way to see how much you are trying to cram in. If you’re aiming for 100% effort at work, 100% in your family life and 100% with your social scene, how is that going to fit into the pie? Use this exercise as a template to see where you really want your attention to sit, and which balls you are more willing to drop.
Do the ‘zoom out’
When I’m struggling to find perspective, I do what I call the ‘zoom out’. I picture myself sitting on the sofa in my home, then, as if a small drone camera were focused on me, I zoom out. I pull focus to an aerial view of my house as a tiny dot in the town I live in. Then I zoom out further to see the whole of the UK, in the blue of the sea.
Then I pull focus to see the entirety of planet Earth floating in space.
Then further out, so that Earth becomes a small rock in the gargantuan universe. Then out again until our galaxy is a swirling mass of light. Does it really matter that I haven’t emailed someone back? Or that I forgot my son’s sports kit? My little stresses seem even smaller when I zoom the hell out.
Try box breathing
I once visited a therapist at a time when I was frequently experiencing panic attacks. His first words to me were, ‘You haven’t taken a breath since I shook your hand in reception.’ I had become very used to subconsciously holding my breath when I was nervous, and his o
