ADVICE
The difficulties we can experience in our personal relationships often lie in a gap in our own awareness, says psychotherapist Emma Reed Turrell. Here, she tells Jess Denham how we can diagnose – and overcome – emotional blind spots
Have you ever found yourself struggling in a relationship and wondered what it is that you’re missing? Perhaps the same argument keeps rearing its head but no matter how many circles you turn, you don’t seem to inch any closer to a resolution. According to psychotherapist Emma Reed Turrell, this habit of repeating the same ‘mistakes’ or behaviours is thanks to gaps in our psychological awareness that cloud our judgement, otherwise known as our ‘emotional blind spots’.
‘You might feel you’re constantly being pushed over in your friendships, or perhaps you’re frustrated in your job because you feel like nobody is listening to you – either of these issues can alert us to a blind spot around power,’ explains Reed Turrell. ‘Or perhaps the problems in your relationship stem from a reluctance to ask for help – this could point to a blind spot around vulnerability. Many of us have had conversations with a friend or relative that have hit a nerve, but we can’t quite figure out why. Often, the root of this pain and confusion lies in a blind spot.’
In her new book, What Am I Missing?, Reed Turrell suggests that to address our blind spots we must first align our thoughts and behaviours with one of four ‘profiles’ she has identified over the course of her 15-year career in the therapy space. While it’s possible that our behaviours neatly fit into one profile (Rock, Gladiator, Hustler or Bridge), different profiles can feel appropriate for the different areas of our lives, such as work, family, friendships and romantic relationships.
Once we’ve learned how to recognise these traits within ourselves, Reed Turrell recommends that we can diagnose our ‘primary’ blind spot, which for many of us can feel like a lightbulb moment – ‘a jumping-off point that finally allows us to see clearer and bring about positive change.’
We can then start to act in a way that’s more intentional, productive and fulfilling, says Reed Turrell, ‘and attend to the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that can leave us feeling unloved, insecure or overwhelmed’.
ROCK Blind spot VULNERABILITY
Rocks are sometimes so disconnected from their feelings and needs that they can’t always point to their existence at all. Independent and hard to crack, they can appear standoffish, often limiting their options to what they know rather than what they want. They don’t like asking for help and may rarely, if ever, express their love in words.
Rocks can deny or ignore the realit y of anything they’re not comfortable with, including emotions. They are supportive to others, though often
