Our Lives
My fiancé Ben and I were excited to get married. But a big change was on the horizon for both of us.
Eyes down, I shuffled to the staff room to eat my breakfast and, as I opened the brown paper bag I’d been clutching, a familiar smell wafted out.
‘Mmm,’ I sighed as I tucked into the McDonald’s McMuffin meal I’d bought, with extra hash browns and a cola.
I knew it wasn’t healthy, but takeaways had become my norm.
Life was so busy since my partner Ben and I had had our second child, Hallie, that I constantly felt shattered and Ben before, with Hallie rarely bothered cooking any more.
And the results spoke for themselves.
I tipped the scales at over 15 stone which, at 5ft 2in, made me obese.
It had been a different story when I had our son, Alfie. After he was born, I’d easily lost the baby weight but now it was gathering in folds on my tummy and hips and I knew why.
It wasn’t just the takeaways.
I also glugged eight cans of full-fat Coke every day.
Soon, I weighed 19 stone and lived in size 22 stretchy leggings and baggy tops.
My confidence was so low that I did anything I could to avoid having to serve customers in the supermarket where I worked.
‘I don’t feel very well,’ I’d say. ‘I’ll do some bits out the back.’
Truth was, I dreaded someone I used to go to school with coming in and seeing how big I’d got.
As time went on, I felt so big and unattractive that I gave up doing my hair and make-up and even stopped showering.
But then, on my 25th birthday, Ben surprised me.
‘Let’s go out for a meal with the kids,’ he said.
When we walked into our local Zizzi’s restaurant, I gasped.
All of my family were waiting there.
‘Surprise!’ they cheered.
We cracked open a bottle of wine and Ben took the children off to the toilet.
But when they came back, I noticed the kids had white tops on with a message on them.
I looked at Hallie’s, which read MARRY.
Then my gaze skipped to Alfie’s, which was emblazoned with the words OUR DADDY?
And I burst into tears.
‘Yes!’ I cried as the whole restaurant clapped and cheered.
I was so excited.
But the feeling didn’t last long.
A few weeks later, I went wedding dress shopping and everything changed. As I tugged on a size 24 dress, which appeared to be the size of a tent, I felt mortified at my reflection.
‘I can’t get married like this,’I wept.
‘Let’s try again in a few weeks,’ Mum comforted me.
But I just couldn’t face it.
Although I wanted to marry Ben, from then on
