Significant others
Self-confessed friendaholic Elizabeth Day tells us why these relationships are so vital – and we meet three women who cherish very special friends
My friends have been the greatest and most consistent loves of my life. They have seen me through heartbreak, grief, divorce and miscarriage. They have been there for me at my lowest points and have celebrated my happy moments – most often in a dimly lit karaoke bar singing Spice Girls at full throttle.
When I went through unsuccessful fertility treatment recently, my best friend Emma turned up on my doorstep bearing my favourite cup of jasmine tea from a local cafe. We sat and talked everything through. She did what she’s always done – made me feel heard and understood.
Yet for all that friendship has given me, I realised we don’t have a language to express what it means to us. So much of our cultural focus has fixated on romantic love over the centuries that vanishingly little attention has been paid to the power of platonic attachments. I wanted to change this. I wanted to provide a vocabulary that would give us a way to explain these unique and complex bonds
. More than that, I wanted to find out what friendship really was and how different people approached it. That was the starting point for Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict. In it, I examine my own addiction to friendship. I look at the history of friendship and how it’s represented in literature, from Anne of Green Gables to Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan Quartet. And I interview my own friends about their experiences.
What I learnt was that friendships – especially those forged between women – have the power both to shape and sustain our lives. The best friends are those who love us without expectation. They know us so deeply that there is no need to feel guilt because we haven’t been able to write or pick up the phone lately. When we do meet, there is warmth, acceptance and probably a lot of laughter. The women on these pages exemplify this generosity of spirit. I bet they do a mean Wannabe at karaoke too.
‘JUSTINE AND I SWORE WE’D STAY BEST FRIENDS – AGED FIVE!’
Restaurateur Sarah Guignard, 51, from Surbiton, has always been able to rely on lifelong chum Justine Moakes, 52, who lives in Chichester.
I can’t remember a time when Justine wasn’t my best friend. On the first day of school, I was dazzled by her fabulous long hair. I was a shy little five-year-old with a short crop, and I thought she was wonderful. We palled up straight away and nothing’s ever changed.
She lived with her dad, and after school we’d go back to her house in Shepperton to make up dances to Wham! hits. When we discovered that Justine was going to live with her mum
