Annie* was shocked when her husband walked out, until she realised it was the best thing to happen to her
Jack* and I were 20 when we met through mutual friends. From the word go, there were warning signs. He seemed incredibly sure of himself, with strong opinions he wasn’t afraid to voice. He seemed to get along with girls in particular, but when he belittled one of my friends for not being as politically aware as he was, I was repulsed by him.
Next time I ran into him, he was sweet and contrite, and seemed like a different person. Jack is very charming when he wants to be, and I found myself drawn to him. We grew closer, and I discovered how damaged he was from having unloving, neglectful parents. We fell in love and by 25 – way younger than any of our friends – we were married.
Although I didn’t realise it at the time, we lived the life Jack wanted from the start. As a music teacher I’d loved the vibrancy of city life. But Jack persuaded me it was fairer to our future family to move to the middle of nowhere in a beautiful landscape. He’s a bit of a hippy at heart.
As he was out at work every day – he works in the charity sector – it fell to me to make a home out of our dilapidated cottage. Although it was a struggle, I found local piano pupils and continued to teach.
Lonely isolation
I was 30 when our daughter Maisie* was born. Jack has always been intense and, as a parent, he soon spiralled into being paranoid and controlling. When old friends of mine came to visit us, he made them feel so unwelcome they seemed relieved to get away. I knew they didn’t like him but no one ever said it in so many words.
I distanced myself from my friends because it felt easier that way. Jack insisted that I shouldn’t work at all while Maisie was little, so I was tied to our house, knowing virtually no one.
He had a way of making me feel guilty for craving a life outside home, as though it meant I didn’t love our daughter enough. The postman arriving and having a quick chat was a highlight of my day.
Looking back, it astounds me that I didn’t stand up for myself. I used to be so confident, a vibrant young woman, full of opinions and up for fun. But Jack had ground me down and somehow I’d lost my backbone, the very core of me.
I’ve had counselling in recent years and my therapist has encouraged me not to be so hard on myself.
We had a second daugh
