Something had to change in Rose’s life – but how to put it into words?
Raymond Jamieson
F or the second time in a month, Rose sat opposite a counsellor. Wondering where to begin to unravel the mess her life had become.
And wondering if there was any point being here after her previous experience.
Counsellor number one, Cynthia, had been a disappointment. Robust in physique and robust in personality. Bursting out of her clothes and filling the room with her presence. She’d lost Rose as a client the moment she offered her a raisin saying, ‘Chew it slowly and mindfully, fully focused in the moment.’
Did Rose look as though she had nothing better to fill her time? Or had it been a mistake to say she wanted her life to slow down?
Slow down, not grind to a halt. And if she wanted to slow down to a snail’s pace, she’d have rented a small cabin near a lake or the sea.
‘I’m not going to chew a raisin,’ she’d said.
That set the tone for their session.
What would Amanda Cummings be like? Rose wondered.
She was nothing like Cynthia in appearance. Her hair was a deep shade of red, worn with a thick fringe that almost touched her tortoiseshell glasses. She was slightly built and softly spoken.
‘Tell me what brought you here,’ Amanda said in her soothing voice.
‘Everything and nothing,’ Rose said, realising how ridiculous this sounded. Yet it was the truth.
Amanda simply nodded. A silence grew between them. Not an uncomfortable one. Rose felt at ease saying nothing. It gave her space to think why she’d come. She wasn’t sure. It was simply the knowledge that she couldn’t keep going this way. Something had to change, but she wasn’t sure what. She tried to put this into words…
‘I’m out of kilter,’ she began. ‘I don’t seem able to put my decisions into action.’
Would she tell Amanda about Jeremy? What was the point of being here if she didn’t? But where to start?
‘I’m not sure how I feel about my partner,’ she said after another silence.
She liked the way these silences with Amanda didn’t need to be filled with words.
She was definitely an improvement on Cynthia.
‘Do you think he’s feeling unsure too?’ Amanda asked.
Rose’s nocturnal tossings hadn’t included this question. She’d been too busy fielding her own questions to add any more complications involving Jeremy’s feelings.
But in the silence that again descended, she gave it some consideration.
Jeremy had definitely been grumpy l
