Bernie Jones loves her husband more after their break-up
WORDS: KIM WILLIS, JOHANNA BELL. MAIN PHOTO: GETTY
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and that’s true of me and my husband, Earl, 53. We’ve been married for 15 years and I love him more now than the day I met him. Our relationship is the strongest it’s ever been, and that’s all thanks to us splitting up.
I first met Earl at a New Year’s Eve party in 2008 when I was 35. I was drawn to his smile and personality; he was hilarious and really made me laugh. Things progressed quickly between us and, caught up in a whirlwind of romance, within weeks he had moved in with me and, just 10 weeks after meeting, we were married at a register office in March 2009.
Things didn’t slow down either, because two weeks after our honeymoon, I fell pregnant. It was a huge shock, but Earl was delighted and couldn’t wait to be a dad and, after digesting the news, I shared his enthusiasm. Overnight, my attitude changed – life was no longer about being carefree and having fun; our baby was my priority and I threw myself into eating healthily and getting things ready for our new arrival.
Earl, on the other hand, when he wasn’t working in construction, continued partying with his friends while I stayed at home. He calmed down when Caden was born in 2010, but was back to his old ways within weeks. While I cut back on spending, trying to put money aside each month to build a savings pot, Earl spent money frivolously. One day, he came home with a designer watch, which I knew cost hundreds, but when I confronted him, he shrugged off my irritation, telling me it was just a little treat to himself for working hard.
We started rowing – mostly about his drinking and spending. He’d come home with expensive trainers and jackets for himself, as well as things for Caden and the house. It was like he was addicted. Never anything for me – he knew I wasn’t bothered about ‘stuff’. In the end, I told him to leave – I just couldn’t bear how irresponsible he could be. While the time apart was a relief at first, within days I was missing him and I knew it wasn’t fair on Caden; Earl was a brilliant father.
So when Earl suggested trying again, I agreed, but it was the beginning of an unhealthy pattern. Things would be good for a while, but then we’d start arguing again and I’d resent him and push him away. Earl and I just didn’t know how to communicate – instead of tackling our issues, we’d just row until it got too much
