SUZIE HAYMAN AND SUSAN QUILLIAM CAN HELP
Is he too sick for sex?
Q Five months ago, my husband started having dizzy fits and a regular cough – to my horror, he’s been diagnosed with heart failure. He’s on medication, which is helping, but he keeps getting worried about taking exercise – including making love. My fear of losing him has made me want sex more than before, and we’ve both ended up stressed and irritable. How can we bridge the gap?
SUSAN SAYS
A You and your husband are reacting to his diagnosis in opposite ways, but the common factor is fear. Fear has lowered his passion whereas it’s raised your desire. But many heart failure sufferers can safely have sex. Do check with the consultant, but you’ll likely be told that gentle lovemaking won’t be risky at all. The website heartfailurematters.org has advice that you may find useful.
My friends now refuse to see me
Q Last year, I was seriously ill. While I’m getting better, I’m still off work and not back to full health. It’s hit my self-confidence and I’m losing friends, not only because I tend to make excuses and avoid social situations, but because I can be needy and depressed at times.
SUZIE SAYS
A You need to draw some boundaries between what you can expect from friends and family and what you should be getting from professional help. Illness can leave you feeling not only physically drained but emotionally needy too. Keep in mind that friends and family are not therapists though. Ask your doctor for a referral for counselling, as it sounds like you need treatment for your emotional state. Build up your self-esteem and, as your physical health returns, you can work on your friendships.
Our dad’s a bully
Q My dad has always been a bit of a bully whereas my mum is kind, gentle and sweet. I seem to avoid arguments but my sister is always having rows with him and breaking off contact with them. This really upsets Mum. She has told me that she knows our dad is a hard man to live with and she’s even thought of leaving him, except she has
