Once attributed to children, Samantha Hiew, 42, is part of a growing group of women who are being diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood
WORDS: FRANCESCA WOODSTOCK. PHOTOS: ALEX GRIFFITHS, GETTY. FOLLOW SAM ON INSTAGRAM @ADHD _ GIRLS OR VISIT ADHDGIRLS.CO.UK
Cradling my baby in my arms, I wanted to feel all the right emotions. A rush of love, a natural instinct on how to navigate motherhood… But there was one feeling that was overriding everything. Anxiety.
It was March 2020, and the pandemic had sent the country into lockdown. Already mum to a five-year-old, I found myself trapped inside the same four walls, wondering how every other parent was seemingly coping.
I hadn’t had enough sleep, both children needed feeding and entertaining, and the endless cries would send me into sensory overload. I couldn’t understand why I felt so incapable. I was an intelligent woman, but it felt like I was failing at one of life’s most fundamental tasks.
PLAYING CATCH-UP
I grew up in Malaysia, the eldest girl of five siblings, which made me naturally caring. I enjoyed school, but I adored sports and I could always be found on the school field, running. But then, aged 13, I reached secondary school, where there was no sports field, so the running stopped, leaving me with loads of excess energy. My grades began to suffer, but with support from my biology teacher, I found a passion for genetics, and went on to finish school and go to university.
Once there it didn’t come easily. I found it difficult to focus and my mind was constantly wandering. I’d spend hours working into the night to catch up on my notes. At age 24, I won a scholarship to study cancer research and moved from Kuala Lumpur to Leeds. It was a huge adjustment, but I loved my new lifestyle. When the pressures became too much, I’d blow off steam with friends, drinking too much and telling myself it was good to have fun.
The truth was, I was constantly striving for perfection and it was exhausting. Life was a constant battle of fight or flight, and it was so tempting to give up, but after six long years studying, I couldn’t let it all go to waste. I finally graduated with my PhD at the age of 30 and, although I felt accomplished, I was completely lost. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I flitted between relationships, and from job to job, trying to find something that could maintain my attention.
At 34, my life settled down when I married my husband and, in 2014, I gave birth to our first child, giving up my job as a communications consultant to
