‘i turned the clock back 20years’

Squeezing into a silky blue tunic, I looked down at my feet and sighed. I hadn’t had time to get a pedicure and I never felt properly made up without a bright colour on my toes. I called out to my partner, ‘Could you paint my toenails?’ Poor Michael had been my go-to beautician lately when it came to painting my nails, because the truth was, I couldn’t reach them myself.

I’d been overweight for years. At 5ft 4in, I weighed 16st 6lb and was a dress size 22. For two decades I’d been consumed by the needs of my kids and ex-husband. I was a terrible people pleaser, putting everyone before my own self-care. I’d never exercised, didn’t stick to a healthy diet and didn’t even have a skincare regime. ‘I don’t have time,’ I’d tell friends.

After getting divorced in my early 40s, I struggled even more, turning to food for comfort. Even after meeting Michael in April 2016, eating was still a big part of my life, whether we were cooking big meals at home or treating ourselves to a slap-up dinner in a restaurant. Years of self-neglect were catching up with me.

We lived at the top of a hill in Devon, and I struggled to walk to my front door, arriving breathless and sweaty. Even walking up my stairs had become a chore, and I’d found myself walking so slowly, my back aching for most of the day. ‘I feel a lot older than 50,’ I admitted to Michael as I approached my big birthday. ‘I honestly feel like my mum is more sprightly, and she’s in her 80s!’

When my birthday came around that December, celebrating was the last thing on my mind. But the worse I felt about myself, the more I seemed to crave comfort food. I felt trapped in a vicious cycle and, with every pound that I put on, my asthma symptoms were becoming more serious. In December 2022, I even needed paramedics to attend and give me oxygen after I struggled to breathe and my lips went blue.

Michael and I had planned the holiday of a lifetime to Costa Rica, so I put my ordeal out of my mind. But during a hike through the rainforest, I was dripping in sweat and huffing and puffing behind the group. When we arrived at a rope swing, the tour guide took me aside.

‘I’m sorry but you’re too heavy for this, you’ll have to walk around,’ he said. I was mortified.

Later, as I sobbed in Michael’s arms, he told me, ‘You can make changes if yo