In the face of adversity, these women were inspired to help others
WORDS: HELEN RENSHAW. PHOTOS: ALAN WRIGHT PHOTOGRAPHY, MICHAL MADERA
‘It’s possible to turn loss into something beautiful’
Katie Carr, 45, lives in Barcelona with her partner and two young sons.
Three months before his death, I interviewed my brother Toby for a podcast. ‘If you want to do something, the time is now,’ he said, an attitude that sprang from a lifetime adapting to loss. In 1988, when I was 11, our brother Marcus nine and Toby just six, we lost our mum Bron to a viral brain injury. A few years later, Marcus and Toby were diagnosed with Fanconi anaemia – a rare and life-limiting genetic illness that leads to bone marrow failure and various cancers – and told they’d be lucky to get to 30. We reacted by doing everything we could today in case it wasn’t possible tomorrow. Marcus became a GP and travelled the world, Toby was an architect and keen sea kayaker, and I went to live and work in Spain. Then our dad died suddenly in 2010. Seven years later, Marcus died of throat cancer. The grief Toby and I shared was terrible, but we each had a counterbalance of joy.
My first son had just been born and my brother set off on a sea voyage of discovery. He’d decided to kayak in each of the 31 areas in the BBC Radio 4 shipping forecast, the weather for the seas around the British Isles. He covered two-thirds but by late 2020 he grew exhausted and knew that something was wrong. After months of tests, he was diagnosed with incurable liver cancer in summer 2021.
That November, Toby landed a book deal to write about his kayak challenge, but knew he wouldn’t live to finish it. By New Year’s Day 2022 he could barely walk and asked for help into his kayak for one last paddle. He died a week later and all I had left was my memories – and Toby’s records of his adventures. I decided to write Toby’s book for him. Toby had made masses of notes and voice recordings, and writing the book began to feel like having an extra year with my brother at the very best time of his life.
Now it’s published, I have one more thing to finish for Toby – the 10 areas left in his shipping forecast challenge. Only I’ll do it my way, safely and learning as I go. I started in the Bristol Channel, then moved to Wales. Next stop is Ireland, and I’m taking the family. I hope finishing the challenge and the book show that even in the depths of grief, it’s possible to turn loss into something beautiful.
