A major health event can fundamentally transform how you view yourself. But wellbeing experts can help you find a new sense of direction. Right this way…
Katie McKnight knew breast cancer ran in her family. Her greatgrandmother, great-aunt, and grandmother on her father’s side all had it. When the 32-year-old environmental scientist tested positive for the BRCA1 gene mutation – linked to a higher risk for developing the disease – she decided to do all she could to stay healthy (eat well, keep active, limit alcohol) and have regular screenings. Even so, she wasn’t prepared for the life-altering shock when she was diagnosed in September 2020.
‘I thought of myself as strong and in control of my health and future,’ says Katie, who learned she had triple-negative breast cancer, which is considered an aggressive form that grows quickly. She feared death, but was angry, too; she had been living carefully and thoughtfully to stave off the disease. ‘My diagnosis shattered that sense of who I was.’
Katie was already grappling with complicated emotions after finding out, one year earlier, that she had psoriatic arthritis, a chronic inflammatory disease that affects the joints. ‘I see my peers and think, I’m not supposed to be in a body that feels 80 years old,’ she says. ‘I’m supposed to be able to go on long bike trips and go camping without worrying about taking medication.’ Her fears and frustrations snowballed when she faced cancer, as well.
The identity crisis Katie went through is common among those newly diagnosed. Illness changes your sense of self because there are many inherent losses – and they mostly have to do with giving up the way you were, says Katie Willard Virant, a psychotherapist who specialises in counselling patients with chronic illness. The diagnosis experience interrupts who you are as a parent, a spouse and a friend, not to mention your professional roles and how people see you. It also puts you in touch with challenging feelings you may not have been exposed to before, such as vulnerability and helplessness, she adds.
Given that an estimated 15 million UK adults suffer with a chronic condition, if you can’t relate yourself, someone you know probably can. Of course, identity shifts can happen to anyone, not just those experiencing ill health, Willard Virant points out. Maybe you had a bad knee injury and now can’t go as hard as you used to, or you became a caregiver for an ageing parent. ‘Everyone has to shed old skin and grow a new one,’ she says. ‘But people with chronic illness have to live particularly close to that reality.’
Research has delineated four distinct illness identity states, and each has ramifications for physical and me
