When life shifts, so can your sex drive. But that doesn’t mean you have to settle
Finding yourself in a sexual rut can feel like hitting a dead end in the world’s least satisfying labyrinth. But with the right support, a shift in sexual satisfaction can be a precursor to selfexploration. On the following pages, you’ll find stories from women who have rebuilt their sexual selves amid the fug of new motherhood or while grappling with a life-altering diagnosis. They’re tales of hope: testament to the power of care and communication – coupled with expert insight. It’s time to prioritise pleasure.
SATISFACTION SHIFT
It’s not news that taking care of your mental health can sometimes come at the cost of your sexual satisfaction; antidepressants’ impact on libido and the ability to orgasm is well known. In fact, it’s common for women to experience changes in sex drive, satisfaction or orgasm while taking SSRIs or other prescription medications, says Rachel Smith, a sex therapist who specialises in relationships and intimacy.
An individual’s sexual satisfaction – the pleasure they feel within themselves and their relationships – feeds their mental health. The irony is, this often takes a back seat when you’re dealing with stress, anxiety and depression. ‘Our sexual self is something that needs to be nurtured and paid attention to,’ says Smith. But as we get older, it gets harder to leave our responsibilities at the bedroom door. Sometimes, the act of going on medication, despite libido changes, can be the magic ingredient to improve satisfaction.
For Megan, 45, anti-anxiety medication wasn’t part of her life until adulthood. After becoming a first-time mum at 40, then enduring the pandemic, her anxiety skyrocketed. She talked to friends and her therapist and started on medication two years ago. Her anxiety levels went from a 10 to four, she says. At the time, it was unclear if low-level libido changes were related to starting perimenopause, her underactive thyroid, being a busy mum or her new medication. She mostly just felt tired all the time. But her thought process was simple: she needed the medication. And she needed it in order to be the best mum she could be, the best wife she could be, the best person she could be. Her story proves that you can’t cultivate a healthy sex life if you don’t care for yourself first. Once you realise that your mental health plays a role in satisfaction, it all changes.
SATISFACTION SHIFT
THE FIRST TIME I WENT CELIBATE, it felt like a necessity. Aged 20, I’d just come out of a toxic relationship with my university partner that left me feeling like a shell of my former self. My goal was to reimagine what intimacy, sex and love looked like for myself outside of companionship. I spent the first two years of this time studying some of the most
