Did New Year’s resolutions fall by the wayside? Then it’s time to look inwards, says emotions coach Claire Fitzsimmons – our feelings can make or break our wellbeing goals.
If we’re struggling to commit to wellbeing practices – that yoga class, journalling session or meditation – we might blame tiredness, decision fatigue, procrastination or just a lack of time. All these barriers to self-care have a part to play but there’s another factor we might not have considered: our emotions. Often the missing piece in better understanding why we’re skipping our self-care, they offer us clues as to how we can get our wellbeing routines back on track.
Hard feelings
So, let’s begin by asking how you’d like to support your wellbeing. You might already be generating ideas – from morning pages to wild swims, a sweaty gym class with friends or new breathwork practice.
Now, notice how you feel about getting started. Is there any hesitancy coming in? Is there an emotion surfacing that surprises you?
You might find that when you attempt to work on your body, your mind or your life, there’s a feeling that is getting in the way.
You might feel anxious – too nervous to try something new or overwhelmed by the options. You might worry you don’t know ‘how’ to make progress and would rather sit in that comfortable space of not knowing. You might read another book (in that performance of doing) but not put what you’re learning into practice – another form of avoidance.
Grief might also show up – for bodies we no longer have, for our past abilities. There may be shame in what’s no longer possible or associated with being seen to do the practice itself: we might feel vulnerable as we enter the gym, go for a run or attend a new class. We might feel exposed.
You might judge yourself for doing it wrong. Or feel fearful that others might judge you. Just trying something new might open you up to ridicule or embarrassment.
Self-doubt can also show up. About what you’re able (and not able) to do. You might be dismissive of yourself: dreams of self-care limited by feelings of insecurity and low self-worth.
What we believe about our wellbeing can lead to feelings that are so uncomfortable that we avoid steps in the right direction altogether. We procrastinate and hesitate; we don’t do the things we know will help us feel better.
If any of this resonates, go gently and start by building your awareness. What’s the feeling you experience when you
