09 MAN IN THE MIRROR
It might not be as noble as training for longevity or stress relief. But at least it’s honest, says Robert Hicks
UNPOPULAR OPINION
My baby boy is almost two. He’s great. But he doesn’t sleep.
I could probably count on two hands the number of times he’s slept through the night.
‘Oh, once he starts on the bottle, he’ll be out for the count,’ one friend told me. ‘Don’t worry, it’s a phase,’ another said. Rubbish.
The point I’m trying to make is that I’m tired. Oh so very tired. My commitment to fitness has waned. And now, after months of inactivity, my son has decided to drop a mini shitstorm on to my lap. He wants to go swimming – so I’ve got to take my clothes off and show my nipples to other people. Now, this would never have been a problem before. I’ve always been quite proud of my body. Okay, I’ve never been what you’d call ‘ripped’, but I’ve always been slim. I’d never given a second thought to taking my top off.
But times have changed. My stomach now has a slight wobble to it, my arms have been reduced to wooden spoons and my chest is struggling to fill out an extra-small men’s compression T-shirt. Simply put, I look like Mr Bean, and I don’t like it. What’s more, the thought of having the worst body among all the other dads at the ‘little swimmers’ group is starting to make me feel anxious. None of this should matter. A swimming pool in Surrey is hardly OBeach Ibiza, although the entry cost is probably similar. But, to me, how I look is still important. So why am I made to feel like I’m doing something wrong when I tell people I’m exercising to simply look better? Have times changed that much since I’v
