Celebrity agony aunt Helen Lederer gives you her heartfelt advice every week
As someone who has been a social worker, mother, wife and divorcee I have been around the block a few times. I’m humbled to answer your questions and feel that if a problem can be shared it can be halved – at the very least.
All families have their issues around respect, love and friendship
It sounds as though you are currently experiencing a lot of disappointment, in spite of your assertion that you have, historically accepted certain qualities in your daughter’s personality.
It’s important to ascertain what is going on around you all right now, to see what has exacerbated these feelings of being hurt. As we know, all families have their issues around love, respect and friendship. We go through life phases, where things go well and less well.
During the hard times we take it out on those closest to us because it’s safe to do so, since love will usually withstand “rudeness”. As a widow, you must have had felt your share of sadness and adjustment in recent years.
Not only that, but your sister has mental health issues, whose daughter has cancer as well as a young child to care for. This is a lot for anyone to deal with and maybe it has all mounted up. So much so, you feel hurt by your daughter who is now challenging the care you offer your niece.
Try and take yourself out of other people’s lives for a second. What activities do you take part in that are for you? Do you see friends ? Activities? Communities where you can offload to others? Without any release, there’s a risk you will continue to get overwhelmed by things you cannot change.
Trying to change your daughter is just not going to happen. It seems that she has a certain personality that can be challenging. What you can do is look at some positives. She does ask you to babysit, even though there is limited social time. Have you considered
