Our columnist explores the art of responding to challenging behaviour peacefully
No matter how zen you are, we all have behaviours from others that rile us up. Despite years of learning to walk away from conflict, I still hate rudeness and don’t spend time with people who don’t respect the word ‘no’.
Over the years I have trained myself to remember that all behaviour is communication. When someone behaves badly to a waitress, instead of judging their bad manners and lack of compunction (well, instead of totally judging it; it is horrible to see people treated that way), I try to remind myself that I know nothing about that person’s day or experiences.
Often in those moments, we’re seeing a snapshot of someone’s life, and not the whole picture. Who knows what experiences have brought someone to those choices? What are they saying? ‘I need to be seen’, ‘I need you to hear me’ or ‘I need a nap’ is often what sits behind rudeness. It’s not a flawless system but in that way, I can usually find peace.
Another important element in how we respond to challenging behaviour is looking at ourselves. Are we interpreting the behaviour correctly through the lens of our own feelings? For instance, say you see a mum in the playground you normally get on with, but today she ignores you. If you’re having a bad day or maybe feeling a bit insecure, you might assume she’s done it on purpose. You might tell yourself it’s something you’ve done, or that she’s terrible person. On a different day, when you felt good, you might think ‘I wonder if she’s
