Angela Kennedy investigates the rising phenomenon of silver divorce, with expert guidance to getting your relationship or marriage back on track.
The ? Big Debate
Beyond the big white dress and clinking Champagne glasses, marriage is about shared hopes and dreams. Joining two lives together. Naturally, that doesn’t always go smoothly. Think back to your wedding day; how many of those shared ambitions are realised and how many fell by the wayside? Nobody gets married imagining divorce might ever be on the horizon. Yet nearly half of all marriages do end in divorce.
But all is not lost. In fact, divorce rates have lowered recently. Surprisingly, it’s younger people driving that drop. In contrast, mature couples are feeling the strain, with silver divorces for women over 65 years increasing by 38 per cent, and predicted to rise further. It seems mature women are discarding the idea of “put-up-and-shut-up” when it comes to long-term relationships.
‘Today’s over-50s have seen the role of women dramatically change. Contraception gave women control of their fertility. Better education and workplace legislation improved career opportunities. Women no longer behaved in the same way as their mothers or grandmothers. They expected more from life. Women are now less tolerant of staying in a relationship that’s not working,’ says Sue Grogan, a divorce support specialist (silversplitters.co.uk) and midlife divorcée herself, who helps people plan life post-divorce with online support and programmes to empower and boost confidence.
Common reasons for female-initiated divorce post-50 include financial disagreements, controlling behaviour, intimacy issues, growing apart or just wanting a happier life, according to Sue, author of Silver Splitters: Advice For Midlife Separation And Divorce (£9.99, Amazon).
Of course, the fact we’re all living longer is also significant. ‘People change as they age and so do their priorities. When these changes don’t align with your spouse, it can be difficult to maintain the spark you once felt,’ adds Sue. For silver divorcées, there is usually a crunch point that tips you over into finally realising enough is enough. Sue suggests compiling a list of reasons why you should stay or go to help you make a decision. If you decide to separate, you should find a family law solicitor – many firms offer a free initial consultation. Gather as much information as you can, while keeping a cool head.
One thing you shouldn’t do is worry about what other people
