THE LIFE LAB
Coaching in action
In their first session together, the award-winning coach Kim Morgan helps her client Pat**to process her pain and get to grips with grief
Session one...
It was our first session together and Pat* was distraught. For the first ten minutes, she sobbed. If she tried to compose herself, she dissolved into tears again. When she attempted to speak, she was incoherent, shaking her head and holding up her hands in despair.
I knew that Pat wanted to have coaching for ‘family issues’, but I had no further information. The purpose of this initial ‘chemistry’ session was for us to find out if we could work together, and if I would be the appropriate professional to support Pat.
I felt such empathy for Pat. I wanted to demonstrate my care for her by waiting patiently and showing that I was here for her when – and if – she wanted to speak.
Eventually, Pat stopped crying. She sighed and looked exhausted. Pointing to the wastepaper basket overflowing with soggy tissues, she mouthed, ‘Sorry’.
I said I was far more concerned about Pat than the bin, and I asked her if she was ready to talk about what was making her so sad.
Pat thanked me for having provided a safe space for her to let out her feelings.
‘I am 65 years old. I have one son, Oliver, who is 38. His father disappeared when he was a baby, and they have never had any contact. I did everything I could to compensate for Oliver not having two parents. We were so close – we had such a wonderful relationship; school-holiday adventures in our camper van, and foreign travels, too. Ollie did every hobby and had all the pets he ever wanted. I cheered from the sidelines every week when he played football. He used to really love me when he was little.’
Pat broke down again at this point. ‘He is now a successful businessman,’ she continued. ‘He got married two years ago and started to distance himself from me. He became increasingly unkind and critical. He says he has “done a lot of thinking” and realised that I had overprotected and controlled him, and he finds it difficult to be around me. Six months ago, he sent me an email announcing that he is cutting me out of his life. I’ve phoned, emailed, texted, begged and pleaded, but he hasn’t responded. My heart is broken and the pain is unbearable.’
It was devastating to witness Pat’s distress. ‘I am so deeply sorry for your loss, Pat. I can’t begin to imagine what this must be like for you.’ Pat looked directly at me for the first time. ‘Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me. An additional burden of this si
