Learn to sit comfortably with your fears for tomorrow and reclaim your today, writes Kellie Gillespie-Wright
Expert advice
Dr Sheri Jacobson is a retired senior psychotherapist and therapy aficionado. She is the founder of Harley Therapy in London – one of the UK’s largest private psychotherapy clinics – and co-founder of the award-winning harleytherapy.com, with more than 1000 highly rated therapists across the UK and online.
We’ve all been there: tossing and turning at 3am, overwhelmed by a flood of worries and imaginary disasters. Ruminating over things that will probably never happen, and filling our minds with ‘what ifs’. It can feel like you are stuck in a loop of negative thoughts that can easily spiral out of control, as you lie catastrophising until the sun comes up.
Worries, doubts and anxieties are a normal part of life. It’s natural to think about an unpaid bill or an upcoming job interview. However, constant, habitual worrying, negative thinking, and always expecting the worst can take a toll on your emotional and physical health.
‘Habitual worrying can impact both our mental and physical health in a similar way to anxiety and stress,’ says Dr Sheri Jacobson, founder of Harley Therapy. ‘In the short and medium term, this can manifest as headaches, stomach pains, and muscle tension. It can impact concentration, mood, appetite, libido, sleep, and relationships. In addition, there are long-term risks to our bodily systems, be it cardiovascular, digestive, immune, nervous, or respiratory.’
And because excessive worry robs us of the ability to appreciate the present moment, it stops us from being able to enjoy our lives. As the old adage goes, ‘Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles – it takes away today’s peace’.
But why do some of us worry more than others? ‘Various factors can be at play,’ says Dr Jacobson. ‘While our genetic inheritance might predispose us, it is widely believed that early childhood experiences, including with primary caregivers and our surrounding environment, are a determining factor in how much we worry.’
Often, worries seem to come from an overactive imagination, and worriers are usually people obsessed with the future. They spend their time thinking about what might happen, rather than what is happening, and as the future never comes, their worries are never alleviated.
‘Safety behaviours such as avoidance of people or places also perpetuate the cycle of worry, because we reinforce the message that the situation warrants escape,’ says Dr Jacobson. ‘We then don’t build up the skills of tolerance and the confidence to withstand discomfort. Our negative thoughts are not challenged, and our bodies respond in the same way, as if threatened. That all keeps us stuck in a loop.’ Those of us who wo
