Meno matters
Model Rachel Peru, 52, from North Yorkshire, opens up about her former body insecurities and how growing older led to more confidence and courage – and how it can for you, too!
AFRIEND SENT ME a selfie the other day of her standing in front of a lingerie shop window that had a full-size image of me modelling in my bra and knickers! This means so much to me, not only because I know how far my body confidence has grown, but also because other older women will see a body and a woman they can relate to. I’m 52, and if you’d have asked me to model in my 20s and 30s, I would have run a mile. I struggled to feel comfortable with my body, and never felt as if it was good enough. Like lots of women my age, I spent from the age of 14 to my late 30s yo-yo dieting. I would weigh myself daily and the number on the scales would d ictate my mood for the day. I’ve always had curves and big boobs; I was a DD by the time I was 18 and they just kept g row ing. I longed to wear backless dresses in summer so I could fit in with my friends. And I found participating in any sports excruciating as I worried what I looked like and what other people thought.
These thoughts stayed with me into my 30s, and I went on to book an operation to have a breast reduction because I’d convinced myself it would make me feel better. I’m not sure why but I changed my mind just a few weeks before the operation and I’m so glad I did.
SLIM DOESN’T ALWAYS ME AN HAPPY
I’ve been what society calls “slim”, i.e. a size 10, twice in my life: once when I was age 18-19 and then again when I went through a divorce at 40. During both those periods I gained so much attention and compliments, as if I’d achieved something truly special. The reality was that at 18, I was struggling with bulimia, and anyone that has been through a divorce knows how stressful a time it can be, so neither of those times equate to me being in a happy place.
How we feel about our bodies of ten stems from external sources, other people’s judgement, overheard comments and the images and headlines we’ve been bombarded with over the years. It’s hard to see past that when you’re in the middle of feeling negative about your body. I can think of many occasions that have stayed with me, from the time a young boy at secondary school called me chubby, to men grabbing my boobs on nights out, and male friends descr ibing me as “not bad for a fat lass”.
We all have this baggage in some form that accumulates over the years, and it all helps to build the pressure we place on ourselves about our bodies, our dress size and our weight.
