the honest truth
Come all ye unfaithful: why does the office Christmas party often lead to infidelity? We explore the reasons behind it
For many of us, December means an office party. You’ve bought a gorgeous dress to wear, treated yourself to a manicure, and the fizz is flowing freely. Perhaps there’s even a little flirting. Because isn’t having a bit of fun what workplace shindigs are all about? Yet things can easily go too far.
According to research, a surprising number of us have cheated on a partner after an encounter at an office Christmas party: one survey of 1,000 people found a third of those questioned admitted to it. The study, carried out by the website Illicit Encounters, found December is the peak time for starting an affair, with 57% saying they’d cheated with a colleague, and 68% blaming drink for things going too far.
‘The Christmas party gives a workplace fling an extra-exciting dimension, but remember that there’s going to be long-term fallout,’ says Dee Holmes, couples counsellor and clinical services manager for Relate. ‘If it’s just a fling, you’re going to be presented with the memory of it every day at work. And your job is your livelihood, for both of you – changing it isn’t easy.’
As two women reveal, a festive fling can cause lasting damage.
‘THE OFFICE PARTY GAVE US THE PERFECT LAUNCH PAD’
Zoe* shares how the Christmas celebrations at work were the catalyst to her six-month affair.
After 22 years of marriage and a recent divorce, I found myself newly single and, looking back, probably a little lonely. Perhaps that’s why I started to see one of my colleagues, Ben*, differently. I was 47; he was 35, a young dad with a toddler, desperate for escape from the domestic drudge. We were working on the same project and started having longer and longer lunches, and then drinks after work. Soon, we were getting closer and closer. The office Christmas party gave us the perfect launch pad for our affair: we both knew that night would be it. When he whispered in my ear that he’d meet me in 10 minutes under the bridge, it felt like the most romantic moment of my life.
We continued the affair for six months. I guess for him, it was mostly about the sex, and for me, it was about having a younger lover who made me feel alive and hopeful for a better future. It didn’t impact as seriously on my life; but it definitely undermined his. Finally, he ended it with me. He’d never confessed to his wife, and I wonder about the impact on their family. Do I feel guilty? Not really: it was his decision as well as mine to have an affair, and I wasn’t the person cheating on anyone else.
We still work together – we tried to leave our jobs, but then COVID came along and we were working at home anyway – and we both love our work, so
