Agony aunt
‘I think my friend has an alcohol problem – how can I help her?’
Our relationships expert Anna Richardson will help solve your problems
Q I think my good friend has a problem with alcohol. She’s always been a bon viveur but recently, when I’ve popped round at weekends, there’s a bottle of wine on the go – daytime as well as evening. She holds down a responsible job, has two kids at university, a nice husband and a lovely home, so clearly she’s not in dire straits, but I worry it could get worse. I’m afraid I will spoil our friendship if I broach the subject.
A Friendship is a precious bond, built on trust, support and, more often than not… alcohol. The UK is a nation of boozers, so it’s common to be part of a social circle where drinking is the norm. For many of us, it’s our default setting when it comes to relaxing, celebrating and connecting with others.
Hard day at work? Have a glass of wine. It’s Friday!
Let’s go to the pub.
However, because alcohol is such an accepted social drug, it can be difficult to recognise when our relationship with drinking crosses the line from social enjoyment to potential harm. On the face of it, your ‘bon viveur’ pal sounds like good fun. But when that behaviour starts to subtly tip over into daytime drinking – and, more importantly, solitary drinking – then you’re right to raise the red flag, as it could be hiding a deeper issue that needs addressing.
You have two problems here: How much is too much? And how do you bring it up with a friend without making her feel judged? It’s a delicate situation and one that requires facts first.
Responsible drinking guidelines in the UK advise consuming no more than 14 units of alcohol per week, spread out over several days. That’s equivalent to six pints of beer or 10 small glasses of wine.
But the average adult actually consumes 18 units a week – almost two bottles of wine or eight pints every seven days. According to Alcohol Change UK, there are four ways of measuring what type of drinker you are. First, there’s the non-drinker; the second category is ‘moderate drinkers’ (under 14 units a week); the next group is the ‘hazardous drinker’ (15 to 35 units a week); and finally there’s the ‘harmful drinker’. Why is that important? Because there are 61 conditions associated with long-term drinking, from anxiety and depression to cancer and liver failure. As any therapist will tell you, alcohol is not your friend.
So while your pal may be managing to maintain
