BREAKING FREE
Even when you leave a damaging relationship, you will need a period of mourning and reflection…
In an ideal world, all of our relationships would be loving, predictable, fun and fabulous,’ says Lianna Champ, a grief specialist and author of the practical guide, How to Grieve Like a Champ. ‘But the path of life and love is often unexpected, and we can find ourselves at a crossroads, especially within relationships when they end up being less than perfect. We can be left with no choice but to preserve our sanity and say: “Enough is enough!” and cut this person out of our life.’
The negative health impact of being in a toxic relationship — defined as one in which there is a lack of respect and a violation of boundaries — can be far-reaching.
Whether that relationship is a romantic one, or exists within the family, the workplace or a friendship group, it can cause damage to your self-esteem and your mental and physical health.
Constant drama in the relationship can distract from other relationships, leading to social isolation or causing you to sacrifice your normal routines — including self-care, exercise and hobbies — and leading to a decline in your overall health over time.
Recognising and ending a toxic relationship is vital for the sake of our health.
However, cutting ties with anyone you’ve had a close relationship with, however imperfect, can be difficult and will prompt a period of adjustment and even grief.
CALLING IT QUITS
If you’re struggling with a relationship that’s bringing you down instead of raising you up, ending it can be daunting and difficult. To help make rational decisions, Lianna advises you to consider your values.
‘We live our life based on values that we have learnt, formed and chosen, to give ourselves the kind of life we want and desire,’ she says. ‘These values create our boundaries. Within the parameters of these values and choices are behaviours we accept and behaviours that we don’t accept.
‘Our values protect us and give our lives a meaning and a yardstick for right and wrong. They reflect our beliefs and become a foundation for life, and if something threatens this, we become uncomfortable.
‘If something continuously goes against our grain and becomes unbearable, then it’s time to make changes. Our values teach us to trust ourselves enough to leave relationships that are not healthy for us.’
EMOTIONAL INTELLECT
Realising when a relationship has gone from good to toxic relies heavily on our intuition. ‘We know, don’t we?’ says Lianna. ‘We feel it. Our instinct tells us and, in an attempt at denial, we may become nicer, try harder, and make more effort to try to diffuse the negativity we know is there. But it starts to take its toll and the emotional — or even physica
