The concept of ‘finding your why’ has seeped from the world of wellness into daily vernacular, losing a little of its potency in the process. To understand how to find your why, it’s helpful to first delve a little deeper into what the phrase really means…
your why is basically the reason you do what you do why you get up in the morning, why you work to earn money, why you keep trying when things look hopeless,’ explains psychologist Nova Cobban. ‘Your why is your internal motivation, and it is tied to your values and your identity.’
Your why makes your world better
Perhaps you’re studying psycholog y with the intention of becoming a practitioner, for example. That’s your goal. But your why might be finding answers for your child’s anxiety. Or maybe you’re working in a role you don’t love but it pays well, and your life’s aim is to buy the house of your dreams that’s your why for the work you do. ‘Your why could also be the desire to prevent other people from going through something you’ve been through, or to support them through a similar experience,’ Cobban adds. ‘It’s the way that you make your world a little better. It gives you a reason to persevere, to be resilient, to grow and improve – to take action even when things are tough.’
Your why keeps your fires burning
According to Cobban, it’s natural to get defensive around the word why, because we subconsciously feel like we are being accused of something that we need to justify. ‘I use “find your fuel” instead – the thing that keeps your engines firing, even if you don’t really know what that destination is yet,’ she explains. ‘Fires go out and need fuel to keep them burning. Your why is often touted as the spark, but, actually, your why is more like the long-term fuel that keeps the fires going. It is the thing that allows you to persevere even when you’re down to the final embers.’
Your why is a two-way relationship
Cobban also shares the idea that your why is a two-way relationship with the world. I love this concept, because the idea of finding your why can seem, at first, self-indulgent. ‘Your why is not just a static internal compass, but an evolving interaction between your inner values and the world,’ she says. Stripping back your actions to identify the drivers that motivate you can provide clarity, energy, and focus. But it’s important not to stand still while you search for it, warns Cobban. ‘I think we often get hung up on the idea of needing to discover our why before we can move forwards – but often our why unfolds in the process of just living our lives,’ she says. ‘Many of us don’t really have something tangible that we see as an underlying purpose for the things we do. We just do them – and then look back later and see the golden thread that tied them all together. If you find yourself getting delayed by
